After four years of no school, it took much effort for me to get back into the routine of pushing through the process of completing paper after paper. From the start, I realized that my greatest challenge in writing is just getting off the starting block. Actually, the very first step for me is quite easy; it simply requires me to feed my caffeine addiction. But following that, I struggle to push myself forward, much like in dreams where one loses the ability to run. I scribble random notes and ideas that immediately strike me and that I might like to incorporate in my paper. I am often so confident in a single sentence, I find myself basing my entire essay off that sentence and creating a thesis that will be supported by it.
As I begin researching and constantly revisiting the prompt and criterion, I work to expand on my initial ideas until I have a more concrete outline. I often find it best to brainstorm during my daily routines, rather than sitting down and focusing solely on my assignment. More than once I asked my physical therapist to fetch me a pen and some paper so that I could write down a great idea before it was lost in the abyss of my scrambled early-morning thoughts. Once I fill in the outline with all my various scribbled notes and ideas, I am left with a messy initial draft, which lacks flow and order. It is from there that I begin the more orthodox first step of using graphic organizers.
For most assignments, I very gradually grow more confident in my essay as I progress and the quality improves. But often, as with my research paper on the Armenian Massacres, I have no confidence in my paper until the very end when something clicks and it all falls together. A lesson that I learned with the same paper is how much research is required to successfully write a research review. However, in retrospect, this is probably a lesson I should have known by common sense. Throughout the term, my productivity was often hindered by unintentional procrastination. School often escaped my mind while I was forced to focus on other issues, but I never missed a deadline.
I have placed my essays chronologically in my portfolio. I have done this not solely in order to make it chronological, but to show my progress throughout the term, as the essays became longer and more demanding. My final papers do not show a significant amount of change from the initial drafts because I tried to tackle all of my revisions, with help from experienced writers, before the early drafts were due.
As I have reached the completion of my portfolio, I have rediscovered that I am a reactionary writer, driven to write most effectively when I am instigated or called to respond. My love for writing was often challenged, but always reaffirmed by the results of my effort. Writing an essay, letter by letter, is much like painting a beautiful picture, stroke by stroke. As an artist, this mindset drives me and encourages my admiration for the subject of writing.
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